


i knew you were trouble

by Magepaw



Series: Niles being Niles [3]
Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: Bickering, Blood and Injury, Canon-Typical Violence, Emotional Baggage, Eventual Happy Ending, Getting Together, Inappropriate Humor, Insecurity, Invisible Kingdom | Revelation Route, M/M, Mild Sexual Content, Miscommunication, Self-Esteem Issues, War, Zero | Niles being Zero | Niles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-22
Updated: 2019-06-22
Packaged: 2020-05-16 08:38:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19314568
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Magepaw/pseuds/Magepaw
Summary: Subaki never let his perfect façade drop except when Niles needled him just right, and the frustration that spilled over onto that stupidly pretty face of his, oh, it made all the hard effort worth it.





	i knew you were trouble

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Lyricanna](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lyricanna/gifts).



> lays down on the ground...... everyone knows leoniles is my absolute number one but rhyse just had to come along with [this masterpiece](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12747516/chapters/29075913) and give me a bunch of nilesubaki emotions and then turn around and bait me to write my own with the prompt "where it hurts", so!!! this one's for you hhhhhhhhhh it actually ends happy though lmao 
> 
> **revelation route, niles & subaki have [their A-support](https://serenesforest.net/wiki/index.php/Fates_Supports/Subaki_Niles)** (which is directly mentioned)

 

Niles never had a way with horses. Over the past few years he'd been taught how to handle the ornery things, if only for the sake of his employment under Lord Leo. After learning his way around tack and armor and grooming, and fighting alongside them on the battlefield, Niles liked to think he was decently competent with horses, even if he didn't particularly trust them, and they didn't trust him either. So when they drew straws for camp duties, Niles thought he'd gotten lucky for once by getting to play stable boy for the night. Odin was going to be peeling potatoes for hours, and Arthur was stuck digging the latrine. This should be easy.

 

If Niles had any innate talent, though, it was his sharp skills of observation. For his own survival, he honed in on signals of discomfort, which in people could be anything from averted gazes to fidgeting hands when they lied to him, and in horses tended more towards flattened ears, wide rolling eyes, nervous swishing tail. Sure, he pushed people to see what they'd do when their boundaries were crossed, but Niles knew a red flag when he saw one, and he knew when to back off to avoid getting bitten. Or so he thought.

 

When blunt teeth caught him painfully in his blind spot, Niles could tell beyond the shadow of a doubt that this particular beast wanted him dead. 

 

"Hey, Mr. Perfect," Niles snarled. "Your damn horse tried to take a chunk out of my shoulder. Again."

 

"She is a _pegasus_ , and you would do well to refer to her as such," Subaki snipped. His back was to Niles while he soothed his distressed mount, stroking his long fingers along her white muzzle, cradling her face to his breast until the ruffled feathers settled back down into smoothness. Subaki, unlike Niles, had the sort of presence that animals innately trusted. "They're an entirely different species from a common horse. Not that I would expect a Nohrian to know any better, of course."

 

Niles felt a sneer of derision pulling at the corners of his mouth. Getting partnered with Subaki was a pain in the ass, but at least the dislike was mutual. The fact that Subaki probably wasn't even trying to be insulting made his dismissal that much more of an insult.

 

"Yeah, yeah, they're pure and noble little shits, I have to feed them noble carrots or whatever. Does it know we're on the same side now? Can't you control that thing?"

 

His shoulder ached, and now his skull throbbed with the beginnings of a headache. If it weren't for Lord Leo's _very_ clear orders to work with the Hoshidans during their campaign in Valla, Subaki's back might have had a little accident involving a sharp object. Nothing lethal, of course, but the perfect spaces between his perfect ribs were just asking for some perfect holes.

 

Subaki sniffed, choosing not to rise to his crudely worded bait. "They're emotionally sensitive animals. She can no doubt sense whatever wicked violence you're harboring in your twisted heart, and it frightens her. Pegasi are good judges of character."

 

Niles barked a laugh. Little wonder pegasi were too fragile to survive in Nohr. "You're probably right about that. If I was some spoiled Hoshidan pet raised on sunshine and rainbows, I wouldn't trust these hands anywhere near me, either."

 

The pegasus butted her head affectionately against Subaki's chest, soliciting pets. Subaki glanced over his shoulder, lips pressed together in a firm line. Niles wasn't sure if that judgmental face was edging more towards contempt or pity, but either way it made him ache to do something creatively unpleasant to it.

 

"…Niles. I do apologize for your injury. I will provide you a vulnerary," Subaki stated politely after an awkward pause. He idly scratched a spot near his pegasus's ears, while she lipped at his hair. "But just as horses respond best to a confident, calm approach, a pegasus responds best to an open and honest heart. It's what I tell the new recruits: if you want a pegasus to form a bond with you, you have to first show her you mean no harm. Let go of anger and hate or she won't let you anywhere near her."

 

It was probably meant to be good advice, and maybe it worked, for softhearted Hoshidans who had never suffered a day in their lives. Pathetic. Niles couldn't help the acidic resentment that rose like bile against the back of his throat. Openness and honesty were not exactly qualities he was known for. Neither was letting go of anything, ever.

 

His smile twisted cruelly, baring all of his teeth at once. "I do know one thing about pegasi that you don't," Niles drawled.

 

This time, Subaki took the bait. "What's that," he replied cautiously, eyebrows drawing low in suspicion.

 

"To aim at their bellies when they're flying," Niles grinned, pantomiming a bow and arrow. "No armor underneath."

 

Subaki blanched. He refused to speak a single word to Niles for several days after, which Niles considered his victory.

 

* * *

 

 

When the day's march ended, tents were erected, and the familiar bustle of camp fell into place around him. Soldiers tended to their equipment and mounts, broke off into small groups to talk or play card games, or retired early to rest while they had the chance. Niles sat alone by the dying embers of the cooking fire, chewing a dry scrap of jerky he'd dug out of the bottom of his pack.

 

His watchful eye noted the sentries assigned to guard against the oncoming night – always an even number of Nohrians and Hoshidans, to satisfy their mixed leadership. As soon as he saw the prim and proper silhouette on Hoshido's side, Niles felt the lopsided smirk pulling across his countenance. He gulped down his jerky and rose, his light footfalls all but silent against the soft loam.

 

If nothing else, at least Subaki was fun to bully. The prissy sky knight had that stick rammed so far up his ass that he was just as uptight around the Hoshidans who knew him as he was around the Nohrians who didn't. Based on Niles's casual observation, there wasn't a single friend in camp that Subaki relaxed around, not even the pegasus. He never let his perfect façade drop except when Niles needled him just right, and the frustration that spilled over onto that stupidly pretty face of his, oh, it made all the hard effort worth it.

 

"Well, well, well, look who's on sentry duty tonight," Niles called as he sauntered over. Subaki wouldn't be able to leave his post. This could be fun.

 

Subaki eyed his smirk with the same affronted expression he usually reserved for stains on his uniform. "Hm… Niles. I was hoping you wouldn't see me," he replied with forced pleasantness. He stood straighter than before, proper posture in contrast to Niles's easy slouch, although he still didn't quite reach Niles's height. "Dare I ask how you're doing tonight? You look even more dreadfully filthy than usual, which is an impressive feat."

 

Corrin's campaign against Anankos was long and grueling, and the endless skirmishes were getting more difficult the deeper they progressed into Vallite territory. Their large army had to conserve their supplies and their strength, and that included saving healing magic for all but the gravest of injuries. Niles ached in places he didn't know could ache. He wasn't getting much sleep even when it wasn't his turn to guard Lord Leo's tent, and he yearned for a warm body or a stiff drink to take the edge off his mood. He had found neither so far.

 

"Oh, I'm terrific," Niles said, rolling his eye. Even his sarcasm lacked its usual venom. They were both weary of this war, and the strain it took to work with former enemies they couldn't fully trust. "Never better. How about you, still wasting all your water rations to wash every speck of dirt off your hands?"

 

Subaki's lips tightened like he'd just tasted something sour. "Do you _ever_ wash yours?" he countered. "Just look at the dirt under your nails. At least, I hope that's just dirt, and not anything more… dubious. Instead of mocking me, you should put more effort into your sloppy appearance so you don't reflect poorly on your liege. Appearances are important, especially for men of our status."

 

"Why thank you for the lecture, Mr. Perfect," Niles grumbled. Subaki could never resist nagging. "I have better things to do with my time than waste it on frivolities like how I look. It's time better spent finding new ways of tormenting you."

 

"Our underlings are watching! We need to set a good example. And it's never a waste of time to invest in your body, whether it's rigorous physical training or a personal hygiene regimen," Subaki huffed. His fingers strayed to his high ponytail, smoothing out the glossy hair to make sure it was all perfectly in place.

 

Niles's fingers itched to yank on Subaki's ponytail, but he curbed the impulse. They were allies, damn it. He was under strict orders to play as nicely as he knew how.

 

Subaki carried on blithely. "Perfecting one's outward image projects confidence and inner beauty. I know you never care what other people think, not the way I do at least, but you should try it sometime. It may change how you think of yourself. Perhaps you'll be less… negative."

 

Subaki eyed him warily as Niles laughed long and hard at that, though there was no mirth in the bitter sound. Niles learned long ago to stop caring what others said about him because they were never going to stop talking. Even if he devoted the rest of his life to protecting the crown, people would always call him a criminal. That was just how the world worked.

 

"Confidence, huh? Are you saying you'll be less arrogant if someone were to rough up that eminently punchable face of yours? I'd be happy to find out," Niles smiled unpleasantly. Inner beauty. As if there was anything beautiful in him, inside or out.

 

"I'm trying to help, Niles," Subaki scolded. "Do you even comb your hair? These ends are so ragged and uneven – was it actually cut with a proper blade or did you use your teeth to chew it off?"

 

Niles shrugged noncommittally. His fingers worked just fine to get tangles or twigs out of his hair, so he never bothered carrying a comb around. When his hair grew too shaggy, he'd use his knife to hack off the parts that stuck out too far, the same way he pared down his stubble and his nails. It was simple maintenance, like replacing a frayed bowstring, or patching holes in his boots. But then, he had never understood vanity. There was no point in putting on airs and trying to pretend to be something he wasn't.

 

"I presume you wouldn't use hair oil either, then," Subaki tutted. He leaned in closer, peering against the fading glow from the fire.

 

Niles gazed defiantly back, irritation beginning to prickle hot beneath his skin. Subaki could be frustratingly persistent about this sort of thing, but no one was more stubborn than Niles. If Subaki got too close, Niles might bite.

 

"You're worse at taking care of yourself than Hinata," Subaki concluded. "Let's start with the basics. What about your skin, your face? Are you drinking your water? Bathing daily? Pressing the wrinkles out of your clothes? You should really establish a routine–"

 

"–Does it look like I care? I'm a retainer, not a debutante," Niles leered, leaning into Subaki's space so their noses were nearly touching. Subaki was frowning, but did not seem deterred by the darkening storm cloud of Niles's mood. It used to be easier to intimidate him, Niles lamented. "All that matters to me is keeping Lord Leo alive, same as Lady Sakura for you."

 

He supposed they both carried the weight of expectations on their shoulders, but such a burden came in different shapes. Niles didn't expect someone highborn like Subaki to get it. No matter how he dressed or preened, Niles would reflect poorly on Lord Leo because of where he came from, not how he looked. He was expected to fail.

 

Niles refused to back down as Subaki raised his hand, but it was only to fuss with some of Niles's messy hair, brushing the stubborn white curls from his forehead.

 

"Did you get any sleep at all, Niles? Those bags under your eyes, pardon me, eye," Subaki politely corrected himself. "No wonder you're so tense. If you're not on duty tonight, you should really let your body get some rest. It might make you more pleasant to deal with."

 

It was only then Niles registered that Subaki wasn't wearing his gloves. Subaki's bare fingers were surprisingly cool against his heated skin. It was not thoroughly unpleasant, having his hair fussed with. The lightest brushes trailed against his forehead, his scalp, his cheek, and Niles held very still to allow it.

 

He was too surprised to hold onto his earlier annoyance. Niles couldn't remember a time he'd ever been handled with such delicacy. Hands were not usually so kind to him.

 

"Oh ho, what's this?" Niles grinned to ruin the moment, stuffing his hands into his pockets before he did something he'd regret. "Subaki, it almost sounds like you're worried about me."

 

He remembered how easily Subaki had calmed the frightened pegasus with his soft touch, and felt vaguely annoyed with himself for falling for the same trick as a scared animal. Just because it was rare for Niles to allow human contact didn't mean it meant anything to Subaki.

 

"I'm only repaying the favor," Subaki blustered. He seemed to only just now realize what he was doing. His fingers pulled back with hesitation, long eyelashes fluttering, but he didn't step back. "You were the one who wanted to ease my burden and share my worries, remember? Well, it's only fair that I can do the same for you. I like helping people with things like this."

 

"How kind of you to offer!" Niles cocked his head to one side, mischief stretching the smirk wider across his lips. "Although if you want to help me out when it comes to sleep, there's only one way to get me on my back."

 

"Niles." Subaki drew himself up to his full height, mouth pinched into a disapproving frown.

 

"Now, you don't have to confess, sweetheart, I know it'll be your first time—"

 

"Niles–"

 

"-But you have plenty of riding experience, so I know you have the _perfect_ thighs for it. And don't worry about embarrassing yourself – I won't let you fall off _this_ mount," Niles promised with an exaggerated wink.

 

Subaki's scandalized gasp was like music to his ears. " _Niles!_ I have absolutely no intention of, of, _sleeping_ with you, you know that's not what I meant by help! Go find a hobby and let me concentrate on sentry duty before I get reprimanded for shirking!" He jabbed the point of his naginata to chase Niles back several paces.

 

"Such a tease, the way you handle that shaft!" Niles grinned wickedly and snapped his teeth in midair. "Eh, I promise I won't leave any marks… above the collar, anyway. I know how important a professional appearance is to you. Gotta project your inner beauty, and all."

 

"Such uncouth advances are wildly inappropriate for a man of your station," Subaki bristled, his face flushed as red as his hair. He brandished his naginata threateningly, maintaining the space between them. "Every time I start to believe there's some good in you, you insist on proving me wrong!"

 

"That's the idea," Niles said drily, and blew him a kiss for good measure. "But hey, when your shift ends, you know what tent to find me in. It won't kill you to let your hair down, have a little fun for once in your perfect little life!"

 

Strangely, Niles found himself a little disappointed. His traitorous body missed that gentle touch already, and yearned for more softness. How pathetic Niles was, so starved for any affection at all that he'd even settle for _Subaki_.

 

This damn war couldn't end fast enough.

 

* * *

 

 

Oh, Niles was so ready to be done with Valla's bullshit. Islands floating in the sky like clouds and ancient curses that could not be spoken of, he could deal with that, but being ambushed in his blind spot over and over by the barely-visible shades of fallen soldiers, he was done. Niles always had his guard up from a lifetime of unpleasant surprises, but if he ever escaped this sick fairytale gone horribly wrong, he would never look back.

 

Niles got in the habit of aggressively firing arrows at any movement at all, ears strained for the faintest sounds of rustling grass or dislodged pebbles, aiming high to dispatch potential enemies before they had any chance to retaliate. He would have been killed many times over in Castle Krakenburg if not for his paranoia, and it served him true in Valla as well. Strike first, ask questions later.

 

A volley of arrows from the cloud cover was the only warning they got before combat erupted all around them. Dragon Corrin led the royal family and those on horseback into the middle of the fray. Niles's orders were to stay away from the front line and snipe enemy fliers from a vantage point on the hill. Lord Leo would be safer with his siblings than anywhere else, so being unleashed suited Niles just fine. He was free to do his dirty work the way he liked.

 

Niles let his gaze track all the movement in the sky, noting the location of the princesses Camilla and Hinoka leading their combined squadron of fliers. Niles held the arrow nocked on his bowstring, seeking those who would challenge them. He waited for the sunlight to reflect off the surfaces of their weapons to betray their position. Clouds, or the dust kicked up from the skirmish on the ground, lent a faint outline to their faded silhouettes. There!

 

He successfully picked off a Vallite wyvern, and was delighted to watch its falling corpse crash into its invisible allies on the ground, wounding several and spreading chaos in its midst. Finally, something to satisfy him. If only he could see the exquisite pain twisted on their faces. Niles licked his lips as his sharp eye sought his next target.

 

Subaki guarded the rear of the formation, a brilliant flash of red and white against the endless expanse of blue sky. As Niles watched, Subaki spun gracefully in the seat of his saddle, his naginata darting out at midair to cover his pegasus's flank from something unseeable. Niles loosed his arrow without hesitation, aiming for where he guessed the enemy would be moments later. Sure enough, the twisted form of a wounded kinshi flickered into view, his fletching lodged beneath one wing, then abruptly vanished again.

 

Annoyed with himself for not getting the kill shot, Niles gritted his teeth and searched for the next telltale flash of metal. Feathers flew as the bird of prey harried the pegasus, circling and soaring higher until Niles could barely make out what was happening. Niles cursed under his breath. He couldn't risk another shot when they were so close together. If Subaki fell from that height, there would be no saving him.

 

The kinshi knight flickered back into view, bow drawn as Subaki tried to react in time. A dark shadow swooped in between them, and all at once Beruka's axe found the rider's neck. The headless figure slumped sideways in the saddle, then plummeted into empty air. Niles breathed a sigh of relief as he watched the riderless bird wheel away from Subaki and vanish.

 

Subaki began circling to a lower altitude, pulling back from the thick of combat. Either he or his pegasus must have been injured, and he was obviously looking to land. Beruka had already left him to return to the main formation. He was alone.

 

Niles yanked the metal clasp from his cloak and angled it against the sunlight, causing it to flash, signaling the flier to come to his location. The ragged white shape fluttered more slowly than it should, small against the vast blueness of Valla's skies, but made directly for him. Niles would provide cover fire if Subaki was unable to defend himself.

 

Almost too late, Niles spotted the silhouette of the sniper creeping in the grass nearby. The sniper was too focused on the sky to have noticed him. Niles held his breath. His body tensed immediately. He could barely see the light refracting along the shimmering edge of the Vallite's ethereal body, but the gleam of the steel arrowhead showed him what he needed to know. Niles' stomach dropped. Their aim was trained on Subaki, who was flying directly into range.

 

In the time it would take Niles to string an arrow and fire, the enemy would have loosed their bolt already. Niles could kill the sniper from here, but Subaki would take the hit too.

 

Without a sound, without thinking, Niles tossed his bow aside and leaped.

 

The bowstring released with a discordant twang as they crashed bodily into each other. A hoarse groan tore from Niles's throat. White-hot pain seared through him, a torturous wave that shuddered through his entire body. At point blank range, the shaft buried itself deep into Niles's shoulder, piercing bone.

 

They tumbled down the hillside, grappling with each other until they hit the bottom. The arrow hadn't hit anything vital, and it wouldn't bleed out so long as he left the shaft in, but that was as far as his fortune went. Numbness shot electric to his fingertips, which suddenly lacked any grip, rendering the whole arm useless to him. Niles snarled a string of colorful curses as the Vallite wrestled him onto his back. Niles was strong, but the Vallite was proving to be stronger.

 

His wounded arm was wrenched roughly above his head and pinned. The sniper's weight atop his torso crushed the wind from his chest. The pain sang louder in his buzzing ears, dizzying, distracting. Niles twisted and bucked underneath the body on top of him. His legs kicked and scrabbled, teeth snapping on empty air, as he fought desperately to keep his good arm free. Rough hands, grabbing at his body, pinning him down, overpowering him. The half-remembered fear jolted him into sheer instinct.

 

Niles reared and headbutted the sniper with all his strength, and was rewarded with the wet crunch of a broken nose. With his good arm, Niles yanked a small knife out of his boot. Once, twice, it lashed out, blood suddenly staining dark gouts against the invisible assailant's chest. The Vallite reeled off of him, flickering fully into view, a wet gurgle wheezing from their gaping mouth.

 

Niles grabbed a fistful of hair and slammed the Vallite facedown into the grass. When they started to rise, Niles slammed them viciously again, stunning them into stillness. He wasted no further time, letting go only to slit their throat.

 

Once the body went limp, Niles collapsed back in the grass, gasping for air. He couldn't shoot like this. There was little he could do but wait to be found, preferably by an ally with a staff.

 

His bloodied fingers clutched uselessly at the arrow protruding from his swollen shoulder. He wanted to rip the damn thing out already, but he knew better. As long as the arrowhead stayed attached to the shaft, it was his best option to leave it in until he was in the healer's tent. The wound throbbed with every beat of his heart, relentless waves of pain battering him like tides against the rocks. Pulling it out of bone was going to hurt like hell.

 

He knew to concentrate on the simple task of breathing, to conserve his energy, and try to remain conscious for as long as he could. Niles was no stranger to pain. He could take a beating as well as he could dish one out. He hadn't even broken anything this time, so this was bearable. He would not fail Lord Leo here.

 

Abruptly mailed hands grabbed him by his tunic. A shock of fresh adrenaline hammered through his shaking body. Niles was dragged upright to stare at the uncannily empty space where a Vallite stood in front of him, crushing him in an iron grip. The sniper had a partner.

 

"Come on," Niles screamed, deliriously high on combat. Fight, kill, _survive_. "Here's a taste!"

 

He swiftly thrust his knife at where the Vallite's gut should be, but it clanged harmlessly against a plate of armor, and the recoil sent it flying out of his hand. Icy fear spiked in his chest again. Of course it would be a damn knight. That was just his luck today.

 

Niles's face twisted into a defiant sneer at the shimmering outline of the Vallite's face, obscured by a helmet. Without hesitation, he jabbed his fingers into the gaps where the invisible enemy's eyes should be, gouging and scratching any flesh he could reach until the Vallite was forced to drop him.

 

Niles hit the ground and scrambled backwards, desperate to get out of reach. He was unarmed and alone and his strength was fading fast. His heart was pounding in his throat, blood roaring in his ears. He couldn't think straight when he was this overstimulated. He needed a path to retreat.

 

But the Vallite simply stood in place, slowly flickering into visibility.

 

It took Niles a long confused moment to process the heavy lance pierced through the knight's breastplate. The knight's knees buckled and they fell dead to the ground, fading back into invisibility, revealing Subaki standing behind them.

 

"I trust this makes us even?" Subaki panted. He stepped one boot gingerly on the fallen body, in order to wrench the gory lance free. "A kill for a kill?"

 

"Ahh, if it weren't for your shitty personality, I could almost kiss you right now," Niles blurted.

 

"I would rather you not, thank you very much," Subaki quickly retorted, cheeks reddening.

 

Subaki had a makeshift bandage wrapped around his side, which bled sluggishly down his slender hip. Dazed, Niles spotted the pegasus grounded nearby, Subaki's usual naginata strapped to her saddle, which had been dangerously shredded by the claws of the kinshi. Subaki knelt beside him, inspecting his wound before hesitantly placing a hand on Niles's back to support him upright.

 

"Mm, you've got one hell of a thrust, though," Niles purred close to his ear. "Didn't know you had it in you. Maybe you prefer to do the penetrating after all."

 

"Niles, this is hardly the time or place to sexually harass me." Subaki pulled his good arm over his shoulders and helped Niles to stand, who leaned heavily into him. "Not that there's ever a correct time, mind you, although I suppose it is an improvement to you trying to slip a knife between my ribs. A _slight_ improvement."

 

"Hey, it's a compliment! I'm just happy to see you know how to get those hands of yours dirty after all. Makes me hate you even less."

 

Subaki sighed dramatically. "If you mean figuratively, we are at war, after all. I am fully prepared to do what is necessary for my liege and country, which for now extends to our Nohrian allies," he huffed. If Niles didn't know better, he might have thought Subaki was trying to hide a smile. "If you mean literally, well. There _is_ a reason I wear gloves in combat. Shall we?"

 

Niles laughed, although his dry throat soon caused the harsh sound to dissolve into coughing. Together they made their way out of the open to take shelter beneath the trees, with the skittish pegasus trailing reluctantly at their heels.

 

The wound on his side must be hurting him, but Subaki forced all his effort into not letting it show beyond the tight press of his lips together, and the ashen tone of his drained face. He refused to limp, and Niles did his best not to lean too much of his weight onto the smaller man, though the going was slow. They would be no use on the battlefield and their orders to retreat in case of injury were quite clear, but Niles still felt the twist of dread in his stomach at abandoning his post. They would have to trust Corrin to bring them victory, and more importantly, keep Leo alive.

 

By the time they reached the shade of the trees and sank to the ground, exhaustion had crept fully into Niles's leaden limbs. He let his head slump against Subaki's shoulders. Niles sighed, letting his weary eye close for a quick moment of rest. He was bitterly aware that he'd lost both his knife and his bow in the scuffle, and it left him feeling naked. He would have to loot the battlefield later, if he couldn't find his own weapons. He hated relying on other people to watch his back, but it took some of the sting out of it, knowing it was only Subaki.

 

His shoulder ached too fiercely to let him fall asleep. He knew he should probably just hold still and apply pressure until Subaki could rendezvous with Lady Sakura, but the constant dull throb of pain was distracting in other, less conveniently ignored, ways, too. Subaki was distractingly warm. Niles could think of little else.

 

Niles sighed again, shifting around to try and find a comfortable position as his skin prickled and grew heated. His good arm slipped loosely around Subaki's waist, mindful of the bandage, and turned his face against the hollow of Subaki's throat. Niles could feel the startled hitch in Subaki's breathing against him, heartbeat fluttering like pegasus wings, but the Hoshidan dared not move.

 

"Niles," Subaki exhaled shakily, half question, half reproach. "Are you…?"

 

This close, his nose buried in the soft skin just above the collar of Subaki's uniform, Niles inhaled the delicate perfume of crisp linen and camellia blossoms. No one had any right smelling that good after battle. Maybe it was the blood loss and the steady thrumming of pain addling his thoughts, but Subaki really was unfairly attractive, with his stupidly long eyelashes, and stupidly long fingers, and stupidly long legs. Niles hated how distracting he was.

 

This was a terrible idea. But hey, they might still die today, and what did Niles have to lose in that case?

 

He decided to press his luck, nuzzling against the soft nape of his neck. Subaki shivered violently against him.

 

"You need to rest. This isn't…"

 

"Isn't what," Niles growled, low in the back of his throat. "Isn't proper? No one's watching you, Subaki. No one cares."

 

Subaki swallowed with difficulty, breathy voice pitching high. "Ah, that's not what I… We shouldn't, though… need to talk about it," he murmured, struggling to finish his thoughts aloud.

 

"Tell me you want me to stop, then," Niles said.

 

Subaki gulped. His silence said everything.

 

Niles turned his face and kissed hungrily down the curve of Subaki's jaw, his stubble rough against Subaki's smooth skin. He'd wanted this for a long time now, even if he hadn't wanted to admit it to himself. Subaki's lips were parted, eyes fluttering half shut, the perfect pink of his tongue exposed, but Niles never kissed on the mouth. That was too intimate. Instead his teeth nipped lightly at the hollow beneath his chin, making Subaki tip his head back and moan.

 

Niles pulled back with a smirk at the sound. Subaki's expression was so needy, so desperate, it was almost painful. It was a good look. Niles was tempted to go lower and see what other sounds he could make.

 

"Please stop," Subaki whispered.

 

Niles sighed. He let his arm slip back to his lap, leaving Subaki untouched. It had, in fact, been a terrible idea.

 

Subaki's easy blush had spread all the way to his ears and neck, his fair skin flushed red to the roots of his hair. He was shaking like a leaf in the wind.

 

Niles never learned. Of course someone like Subaki would never trust the likes of him. His damn shoulder ached twice as bad as before, now that he'd gotten his pulse racing over nothing. He tried to think of absolutely anything other than the desperate moan Subaki had made, which was burned into his mind forever.

 

"Oh relax, would you," Niles grumbled, and leaned back against the trunk of a tree for support. He thought they'd finally been getting along better, but he was a fool for believing that meant anything more than professional courtesy between allies. "Can't do anything nastier than make out, what with us bleeding out in the dirt while we wait to be rescued or killed. You'll preserve your chastity for yet another day."

 

"That's-! See, you're making fun of me," Subaki sputtered, reddened countenance pinching into a tight frown. "That's exactly why I didn't want to do this with you without talking first. It's just a twisted game for you. You think it's fun to tease me every chance you get. But even you wouldn't actually kiss me just to toy with my emotions… would you?"

 

"Yeah, you know me. I love watching you suffer," Niles agreed casually. Subaki's accusations were needles prickling beneath his skin, burrowing their way in deeper. "That's all it could ever be."

 

"You don't actually mean that." Subaki blinked rapidly as he composed himself. He squared his shoulders, looking Niles directly in the eye. "I don't believe even you would be so cruel. Be honest for once in your life, Niles. I just need to hear you say it. Do you actually care about me?"

 

Something dark and ugly stirred deep in his chest. Niles had jumped in front of an arrow to save Subaki's life. He thought only Lord Leo commanded that kind of loyalty from him. He was wrong. He had let his guard down enough to actually grow fond of someone outside of the very small circle of Nohrians he trusted. He kept following Subaki around to demand his attention, allowing Subaki to touch him, doing everything Subaki asked him to. He was tamed. It terrified him.

 

Niles did care. And it was a mistake. He was in too deep. He was never going to be good enough for Subaki. He couldn't pretend to be something he wasn't, even if he wanted to.

 

Niles swallowed around the hard lump forming in his throat, an unpleasant smile baring his teeth.

 

"It's all about you, huh. I already told you the only thing I care about is keeping Lord Leo alive, even if it kills me in the process. That's my job." A half-truth was more honest than a lie. "Nothing else matters to me."

 

Subaki pulled back, stung. "Nothing. So you don't care about _me_ , Niles. You're saying you only want… _this_ ," he gestured sharply between them. "A distraction. A good time. Someone to, to, spread their legs for you, so you can forget about being miserable for a night. I expected better of you."

 

"That was your mistake," Niles snarled. His glare was downright murderous. The words he refused to deny hung too loudly in the silence between them. Niles should have known better than to try.

 

Subaki stood with difficulty, hands pressed to the wound on his side. "Very well. You had your chance. I'm going to tend to my pegasus," he announced. Clearly, he had heard all he needed to. "I would greatly appreciate it if you had the common courtesy to stay where you are and allow me some small privacy."

 

Niles glowered at Subaki's receding back. Frustration washed over him. What a vain, self-absorbed, arrogant prick. Subaki would never stoop so low as to consider Niles worth his time. He had _standards_ and _morals_. If there had been any conveniently placed rocks nearby, he might have thrown one at Subaki's pompous head.

 

"Yeah, just endure it a little longer and you'll never have to suffer through my presence again," Niles called mockingly. Subaki continued walking rigidly away, refusing to respond. Irritation swelled, and before he could think better of it, Niles cupped his hand to his mouth and hollered after him. "Soon you'll be back in Hoshido and I'll be in Nohr and we'll never have to see each other again. And that'll be just _perfect_!"

 

Niles added a few choice adjectives under his breath, and it was only _courtesy_ that he didn't speak those loud enough for Subaki to hear. He watched Subaki lean into his pegasus's white wings, which she curled delicately around him, to shield him from view. Sensitive, indeed.

 

Niles pressed his hands painfully to the arrow jutting from his shoulder, and closed his eye so he wouldn't have to stare any longer. He thumped his head against the tree trunk repeatedly. Idiot, idiot, idiot. Damn that Subaki for always making things more complicated than they needed to be. Damn his own fool mouth, and damn his hopeless, pathetic longing for affection, even when he knew full well someone like him didn't deserve any. He should just leave Subaki to his own perfect little world, because there was no place for Niles in it.

 

This whole mess would have hurt less if he'd just let the damn sniper shoot Subaki out of the sky. At least if he was dead, Niles could finally stop thinking about kissing him.

 

* * *

 

 After reuniting with the company and having their wounds healed, Niles purposely refused to avoid Subaki around camp. If Subaki was so damn uncomfortable around Niles, then he should be the one to deal with his messy emotions, not Niles. And indeed, Subaki did seem keen to not make eye contact and stay out of his way, when they had the luxury. But the campaign soon reached its climax, and there was barely time to exchange more than a few words in between battles. There was no sleep for them once the castle was in sight. Time blurred. Niles and Subaki covered for each other out of habit, fighting mechanically, pushing their bitterness aside in favor of survival.

 

Wave after wave of Vallite warriors challenged them as Corrin's forces breached Castle Gyges to wage war with Anankos himself. Reality shattered. The shades of fallen kings and queens were resurrected before Niles, though Niles no longer cared what was real and what was dream so long as he could kill it. Niles had never felt such bone-deep weariness. His background was sniping and stealth, tracking and assassination. He was not built with the stamina it took to fight day and night, to have his blood spilled only to have his wounds magically sealed so he could get cut open again, and again.

 

So long as his liege drew breath, Niles endured the toll it took on him without complaint. Still, even he began to feel like he would welcome any end at all, even if it meant laying down before Anankos and accepting the death of all worlds.

 

Somehow, against all earthly odds, Corrin dragged the forgotten god from his stolen throne and executed him. Their army staked its bloody claim over Valla, crowning Corrin its new ruler. And with that, the war was finally over. Niles would be able to return home with Lord Leo and leave all of this wretchedness behind him.

 

* * *

  

"A moment of your time! Niles, if you please! I know you can hear me!"

 

Niles gritted his teeth at the all-too-familiar tone that had been calling his name for the past several minutes. What remained of their combined army stood at the edge of the cavernous abyss that naturally split Hoshido and Nohr, and they were preparing to return to their respective countries. Their leaders had graciously allowed them some time to say their goodbyes, which Niles had decided he had no use for. He was eager to get on his way home.

 

Home, now that was something worth looking forward to. Nohr was a harsh place to live, sure, but he knew it like the back of his hand. No dragon gods possessing invisible soldiers and shifting continents to worry about. Just cold hard dirt beneath his boots and ordinary people being terrible to each other. He knew how to live with that. Niles closed his eye and imagined his chamber at the castle waiting for him, with the luxury of a fireplace and a proper mattress and a change of clothes. He could eat a hot meal, draw a bath, even grab a bottle of wine, oh, it all sounded too good to be true. He was getting too old to be sleeping in tents and marching with all these energetic wannabe heroes. His back hadn't stopped aching for weeks.

 

Beside him, Odin peered curiously to see what the commotion was, then tugged on Niles's cloak.

 

"Niles! I do believe your handsome friend from Hoshido is trying to get your attention," Odin called helpfully.

 

"Yes, thank you, Odin," Niles sighed. He was beginning to feel another headache coming on.

 

"No problem, comrade!" Odin announced loudly, oblivious to sarcasm. He waved at Subaki, bellowing cheerfully, "He's over here!"

 

"Gods damn you, Odin, can't you keep your big mouth shut for once in your life," Niles hissed, clapping his hands over Odin's mouth to smother his voice. It was too late. Subaki was already weaving his way around the crowd, fluttering pegasus trotting anxiously at his heels.

 

"What did I do?" Odin asked innocently around his hands, though the twinkle in his bright eyes suggested a little more mischief than he was letting on. Bastard.

 

Rolling his eye in exasperation, Niles finally turned, crossing his arms over his chest. He strode reluctantly away from Odin, giving him a quick nod to assure that this wouldn't take long.

 

"Subaki, what a surprise. I didn't hear you the first hundred times," Niles said testily. He walked right past him, forcing Subaki to follow after so they could reach a more private spot. The pegasus flapped her wings at him as he passed, feathers ruffled. Niles eyed her warily, making sure she wasn’t planning to bite him one last time. If Odin and Leo saw that, he would never hear the end of it. "Come to give me one last lecture about looking good?"

 

"Niles–"

 

"And here I thought we were making a clean break," Niles cut him off purposely, smirk curving on his lips at the look of indignation plastered on Subaki's countenance. "We were so close to closing this chapter of our lives without a single stab wound between us. But if you want one last hole to remember me by, who am I to deny you?"

 

Subaki huffed, squaring his shoulders. For once Niles stood straight as well, petty enough to force Subaki to tip his chin in order to hold eye contact. It was satisfying.

 

"Niles. If you would kindly allow me to speak my piece without interruption, I promise to be on my way." Subaki spoke with infuriating calmness.

 

It made Niles want to slap him, just to see an honest expression cross that pretty face. He cocked his head, silently urging him to hurry it up. He didn't have the patience to stand around listening to Subaki when it was already clear what Subaki thought of him. Just had to rub salt in the wound, he supposed. How twisted. He was almost a little impressed.

 

Subaki hesitated for a moment to steel his nerves. Then he bowed from the waist, lowering his head in the Hoshidan gesture of apology. Niles blinked, too shocked to interrupt him.

 

"I just wanted to apologize for what I said to you. We both let our emotions get the better of us, but I put you on the spot during a stressful situation, and my expectations were unfair. I said something inappropriate and hurtful, and it was a shameful display which I regret. I do care about you, Niles, and I know you care about me as well. I was hoping we could agree to forget what happened, if you would be willing to let it go."

 

Niles exhaled in a whistle. He hadn't expected someone as prideful and stubborn as Subaki to ever admit he made a mistake, and certainly not to Niles.

 

Subaki straightened self-consciously, adjusting his ponytail back into position. His pegasus butted her head against his leg, but he shooed her gently back, keeping his focus intent on Niles.

 

"Huh," Niles said.

 

"That's it?" Subaki pursed his lips. "That's all you have to say?"

 

"Well, _I_ have nothing to apologize for," Niles shrugged.

 

"Is that so."

 

"The past is in the past," Niles said simply. "But it still happened, and I'm not about to pretend to forget. I don't forget things. Ever."

 

Subaki sighed, and rubbed his fingers against his temples.

 

Niles uncrossed his arms and relaxed, slouching a little to settle a hand on his hip. "But you don't have to take back anything you said about me. You weren't wrong. And people have said much worse about me. Plus… it was kinda nice to see you speak your mind for once, if that eases your terrible burden of worrying about what I think of you."

 

Subaki brightened. "Yes, I suppose that's about all I could have hoped for. Still, Niles, I… Are you sure this is alright? You don't want to talk about… anything?"

 

Niles shrugged. "Doesn't matter, does it? We're never going to see each other again. Unless our leaders get bored and try to wipe each other's countries off the map. Maybe we'll be lucky enough to kill each other."

 

"You know that's ridiculous. Lord Ryoma and Lord Xander are drafting a permanent alliance in light of our service in the war. Hoshido and Nohr are no longer enemies."

 

"You're right, politics will fix everything and we'll all be friends forever," Niles smiled darkly. "You never know. Maybe to seal the alliance, your pretty little princess will get married off to my prince. Then we'll be retainers for one big royal family, and we'll all live happily ever after."

 

Subaki's expression soured immediately. "That's less than ideal. Such an arrangement would not be to milady's benefit," he objected. "Lord Leo is of a higher rank, so Lady Sakura would be expected to move to Nohr. I won't allow it."

 

"Why not? Sounds good to me," Niles added, waggling his eyebrows. "Don't worry, I'll show you around the castle once you move in. I know some very clean and hygienic hiding places in the dungeons if you want to lose more than a first kiss to me."

 

"You're absolutely hopeless, Niles!" Subaki squawked, blush staining his cheeks. That flustered look never got old. Niles hated himself a little for thinking he'd miss this.

 

"I really am."

 

"I'm trying to be a civil and mature adult, and as usual, you only want to mock my sincerity and make lewd advances in order to derail the conversation."

 

"Sounds about right."

 

"And what precisely do you mean by first kiss?" Subaki hissed, lowering his voice so their companions couldn't possibly overhear. "I don't know what you’re talking about."

 

Niles rolled his eye. "Are you actually pretending you forgot," he sneered. "Are you a child? Is this how you deal with all your embarrassments, by pretending they never happened so you can keep calling yourself flawless?"

 

Subaki raised his hand, and Niles bared his teeth in a feral grin, daring him to slap him. _Just do it._

 

But instead the hand gripped a fistful of his cloak and yanked Niles stumbling forward, bending him to Subaki's level.

 

"I don't remember a kiss on the lips, Niles," Subaki said. "If you're going to kiss me, I expect nothing less than perfection."

 

Niles gaped at Subaki. Their noses were nearly touching, and his traitorous heart was suddenly hammering so loudly he swore Subaki would be able to hear it too. He drew a shaky breath, too stunned to move. His entire world smelled like camellia flowers and sunshine and impossible, painful hope.

 

When he hesitated, Subaki's eyes softened, his fingers loosening on Niles's cloak.

 

"Only if you want to," Subaki whispered, giving him a chance to escape. He let the fabric slip through his fingers, though his gaze was steady, holding Niles pinned in place. "If you really don't want me, this is your chance to walk away. I won't ever bother you again."

 

Niles swallowed hard. Oh, he wanted to, he wanted to very much. Niles was drawn to Subaki like a moth to a candle, ready to dash himself against the flames until he burned to cinders. Subaki was infuriatingly self-absorbed, and too stubborn for his own good, and proud, and ambitious, and hard-working, and kindhearted, and beautiful inside and out. He knew it would be a mistake to try and live up to Subaki's impossible expectations, but Niles couldn't help but admire him as the culmination of everything he wasn't.

 

And so, Niles hesitated.

 

Subaki deserved better than the likes of Niles. Their situation would be too complicated. It would be easier for both of them to walk away now, return to the places they belonged, and let the feelings fade over time.

 

Ah, but when had Niles ever done anything the easy way?

 

Slowly, Niles leaned forward, closing the gap between them. He half expected Subaki to shy away, or to stop him again, or to laugh at him for believing such an obvious prank. Openness and honesty had never come easily. But Subaki wasn't cruel like him.

 

Subaki's mouth was soft and warm, and their first real kiss was gentle, tentative, hopeful. Niles exhaled shakily against Subaki's mouth, his defenses stripped bare. There was nothing for him to say, nothing to hide behind. He couldn't speak if he wanted to, but Subaki was quiet as well, sharing his space. His shaking fingers brushed against Subaki's gloved hand, tentatively seeking the reassurance of his touch. Subaki took his hand and squeezed it, beaming approvingly at him.

 

Niles blinked wide-eyed at him, in disbelief that this could actually be real. Something hot and whiskery bumped against his head, and Niles jumped out of his skin. Dazedly he realized it was the pegasus lipping affectionately at his hair, all traces of fear fled from her contented posture.

 

Niles had to turn away, hand pressed to his mouth, before his own blush betrayed him. This was too good to last. This had to be the most embarrassingly vulnerable moment of his entire life, and of course the entirety of the Nohrian and Hoshidan military combined had to be there to see Niles go soft.

 

And somehow, impossibly, it was perfect.

 

 


End file.
